Hello all,
Greetings from Wheaton, IL!
To go off on a tangent before I’ve even introduced a topic, one thing you will learn about me if you continue to read this blog is that I do not use exclamation points very often. Mark Twain (I’m pretty sure it was Mark Twain) once said that ending a sentence with an exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke. Well, occasionally you can’t help laughing, because it’s funny. But in general, I think they are far too often severely overused in today’s Facebook, MMS, and Twitter-infused, communication-addicted culture. And short of an event like the birth of a baby or the release of a new Ke$ha single, it is an utter abomination to use more than two or possibly three in a row. So there you have it.
On to more serious things. But don’t worry, not too serious. I think the mistake people often make in writing blogs is to make them too serious. To be perfectly honest, unless you are a great thinker the likes of Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Galileo, or Ke$ha (all the smartest ones go by the one name, see), I don’t think many people outside of your circle of friends (and since I’m being perfectly honest, not all of those either) are likely to care about reading, in great detail, your latest epiphany or revelation. Thus, I figure that if I expect anyone to read this thing, I’d better make it interesting.
In that spirit, allow me to tell you a story. It’s a true story, and I heard it this morning in Dr. Jacobs’s Modern British Lit class. Once upon a time, a great British (duh) thinker named Jeremy Bentham -- from what I learned in AP Euro, he pretty much invented utilitarianism (not to be confused with unilateralism, a mistake I definitely never made in a DBQ or anything) -- donated his life savings to found the University of London. He listed just one condition: that he might be present at every meeting of the board of trustees. EVERY meeting. As in, there’s no “till death do us part” clause in this agreement. So after good ole Jeremy passes away, what do they do but STUFF his body, stick it in a glass case, and roll it out at every board meeting. I promise I’m not making this up. Apparently this went on for a good many years without issue, until one night, a group of students who had NOT been following the Community Covenant broke into the storage room, broke the case, lobbed off his head, and played soccer (football) with it. Don’t believe me? See pictures below. So the trustees, naturally, decide to have a wax head made and attached to the taxidermied body. And yes, I just coined the word taxidermied. At this point I’m wondering, do they really think Jeremy still cared? But on went the “supervised” board meetings. Then, during the bombings in London in World War I, a shell hit the building where Bentham’s body was kept, completely demolishing it. They say the trustees were actually kind of relieved (can’t imagine why). Until, that is, they walked through the rubble only to find the glass case, completely unharmed. So, to this day, the University of London still houses the stuffed body and wax head of Jeremy Bentham, and he still presides over each and every one of their meetings. They have his real head too. It now rests between his feet in the self-same glass case. Because that makes sense.
As for a quick update on my life (because, while I write the witty anecdotes for your entertainment, talking about myself is MY favorite part), I’m currently in Wheaton, Illinois. Which you already knew because it’s in the title, and you are smart people. Today was our first day of classes, and I must admit I don’t think school has ever been this fun. I’m taking three English courses. Which means all I do all day is read books, talk about books, write about books, rinse, repeat. Eight weeks of this may sound like the equivalent of being drawn and quartered for some of you science majors out there, but for me it’s on par with two months of playing house on Pennsylvania Avenue for Sarah Palin (don’t worry, I’m a Conservative, I’m allowed), or eight weeks in a freak- and glitter-filled hole in the wall for Ke$ha. Suffice it to say I’m having a great time, and I can’t believe I get college credit for this!
Next time I write I promise to include something intellectual, since I have to assume some of you might actually enjoy that kind of thing. Also because I’m required to email “journal entries” to my professor anyway, so I might as well use them as blog updates while I’m at it. Look for the next post sometime between now and Friday afternoon, when we leave for LONDON.
God bless,
Linnea
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